Estate planning attorneys meet families during one of the hardest times of their lives. Many meetings begin with the families saying they all agree, but they don’t all finish in the same place. A recent article, “A family feud you can prevent for the price of a conversation” from News Tribune explains how property division can turn families against each other, often for items whose only value is sentimental, and how to prevent this from happening.
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Verbal promises about who will receive what from deceased parents generally aren’t recognized in court. A person may make a promise to leave their grandchildren their prized fishing rods and tackle, assure a niece she will be gifted a muscle car, and promise a daughter she’ll get the cabin on the lake. But if these wishes are not properly documented or implemented through an appropriate estate planning method, they may not be legally enforceable.
State law determines ownership through a valid will, a trust, beneficiary designations, joint ownership, transfer-on-death designations or, if there is no will, through the state’s own laws of intestate succession.
It’s said the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The same goes for undocumented wishes.
Estate planning often gets put on the back burner, but over time health changes, capacity declines, families grow, children marry, some move away, businesses expand or shrink, assets increase or decline. Estates get more complicated as time goes on, and if there is no estate plan, the likelihood of family fractures and the cost of the estate increases.
People are always surprised to learn that if they don’t have a will, their state has one for them. It’s probably not what they wanted, but the law provides a means of distributing wealth in the absence of a last will and testament. The distribution is generally based on kinship. How assets are distributed will depend on whether there is a surviving spouse, children, parents, grandchildren, or other relatives.
An often misunderstood concept is the difference between equity and fairness. Let’s say one child spent a decade caring for an aging parent while another child lived across the country and never visited or called. Should both inherit equally? What if one child needed and received financial help from the parents, while the other didn’t? Should those gifts be considered when dividing assets?
Estate planning isn’t about establishing what is fair and what is not. It’s about documenting your intentions so surviving family members aren’t left trying to interpret your wishes, a clear invitation to conflict.
One of the biggest surprises comes when people learn assets aren’t going to be distributed through a will or under order of the court. Assets such as life insurance proceeds, IRAs, 401(k)s, and accounts with valid beneficiary or payable-on-death designations generally pass directly to the named beneficiary rather than under the will. If a former spouse remains listed as the IRA beneficiary, that designation may control, depending on applicable law and the circumstances. Estate planning should always include a review of all beneficiary designations and asset ownership.
Wills have a life span. A will created when children are toddlers may be a disaster if the children have grown up and have children of their own. Estate plans need to evolve as life proceeds.
People are often hesitant to update their estate plans because they are worried about legal fees. However, the cost of litigation between siblings, both monetarily and emotionally, is far higher. Court hearings, expert witnesses, attorney fees, and appeals would decimate an inheritance. A family embroiled in litigation may never recover.
Estate planning is about protecting the people who live after you, preserving family relationships and reducing uncertainty. Thoughtful planning allows you to ensure your life benefits those you love.
Reference: News Tribune (Aug. 2, 2026) “A family feud you can prevent for the price of a conversation”
